The Eppers

New Stuff

2010-09-10T22:54:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I have been a complete slacker and haven't done this blog in a year, yes a year. WOWZA! I am sorry. It really isn't as if we don't have things going on, I just haven't been very good at posting. OOps! So that will make this next bit of info sound completely dumb, but, I have started a new blog. I heard about this site called blogvertise and the premise is you get paid to post on your blog about certain tasks they send you. So I am trying it out. But, I didn't want this blog that has personal info as the one lots of psychos were reading. The new one is personal, but doesn't give details about my kids and certainly no photos of the kiddos on there. Anyway, if you are interested it is http://snowflakesforme.blogspot.com. If you go there and read it, you will understand the name. So sign up as a follower and I will let you know if this getting paid to post thing works.

Our Daily Bread

2009-09-22T09:26:00.002-05:00

"....Give us today our daily bread....." Most of us know this very familiar passage as a part of the Lord's Prayer from Matthew 6:11. Also, those of us with Christian backgrounds probably recognize that this term 'daily bread' represents more than physical food, but spiritual nourishment as well. So today, I would like to share with you two of my favorite scriptures from today's quiet time.
"Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel." Philippians 1:12
Why do I love this verse so much? Because it is a reminder that what we experience in life is not always our own. It is for sharing. Isn't it better to know that when we struggle, we do not struggle in vain? To know that the trials, tribulations and blessings of life can serve to further the gospel of and HOLY name of Jesus Christ?!!! This makes me happy! So, share your woes, without grumbling or complaining (Philippians 2:14) of course, in order that the gospel may be advanced. It is one way we fulfill the Great Commission!

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear of you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel." Philippians 1:27
I love this verse because I am using it as my personal challenge for the week. Or should I say FOR LIFE?! Two very powerful words 'WHATEVER happens' requiring me to always behave in a way that would glorify Christ and only draw people to him rather than create a foul taste in their mouths for his Holy name! O God, I am so guilty of not doing this. Forgive me! You see, it is true that for some, I am the only Jesus they see in a day. There is only one Jesus and I should show them the true Savior, not my own twisted version. Remember the old DC Talk album, Jesus Freak? It was in one of the speaking parts the voice says, "The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians confessing Jesus with their lips but denying him with their lifestyles." Lord forgive us!

You know that feeling you get when....

2009-09-21T18:54:00.004-05:00

.....things feel as if they are falling into place? I happen to really love that feeling! I happen to be experiencing that feeling right now in life, at least at this moment. We all know how that feeling can be fleeting. Praise God my salvation and his love are not based on feelings, am I right? Somebody say AMEN!!! But seriously, I do feel as if things are going really well for us. Do we still have daily struggles, ABSOLUTELY! But, I feel that God is leading us and I can face the struggles so much easier knowing that. I am excited that we have been attending a church regularly and though I would like my husband to be here before we make the official decision that this is OUR church, I am already beginning to feel as if that is the correct answer!! The church is called Crossroads Church and you can check it out at the website http://www.2thecrossroads.com/.
Currently Pastor Glen is preaching/teaching a four part series on parenting. Can I get a HALLELUJAH?!? Yesterday was the first sermon in the series and the base text was Deut. 6:1-9. Now, I have to tell you that I know in my head and heart that the Word of God is living and active, sharper than a two-edged sword, dividing spirit and soul (Heb. 4:12) but I gotta tell you, it is so exciting when it really happens, when the Word that is being teached or spoken directly applies to your current situation. When Pastor Glen was reading Deut. 6:2 I had a, well I suppose you would say a breakthrough! Read with me: "so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life."
When I read that scripture there was one great phrase that stuck out to me: enjoy long life. Now anyone that truly knows me knows why that struck a chord deep within me. About ninety percent of the time, I do not enjoy my life as a parent. I have said it aloud, I have written blog posts about it, I have confessed it to God. But I realized that I am not spending enough time as a parent pointing my two beautiful children to God. And as was pointed out in yesterday's sermon, that is our number one priority as a Godly parent, that above feeding, clothing, and sheltering your children. I like the way that Pastor Glen put it: "Our number one priority as parents is to gradually transfer our childrens' dependence away from us and other things and on to God". I am failing at this and that causes a lack of joy in my life and in theirs.
I know that this seems like such a juvenile observation, but for me, it was earth shattering. If I am not daily pointing my children to God, no wonder I have loathed being a parent so. I was letting my number one priority slip. So now my prayer is this that God would repay us the years that (I have allowed) the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25) and show me what it looks like for me (us) to train our children in the way they should go so that when they are old, they will not depart from it (Prov. 22:6). I am full aware that this will require a lot on my part. But I am willing, for the sake of my children, for the sake of my Christ! Just look at these two beautiful reasons:

The Goodness of God

2009-08-31T15:59:00.003-05:00

Sometimes we forget just how good God is amidst the constant barrage of sickness, disease, war, murder, etc. that seems to plague every newscast or ticker we see. But I have been reminded today that God is GOOD! Do you know what helped the most? I took time out of my day to meet with God. This is something that has become fewer and far between for me lately, regrettably so. But today, I quieted my mind and opened His Word and let Him speak to me. It was wonderful! I was reading I Corinthians 14 in The Message and I just have to copy verses 1-3 here because it is so powerful and if it can mean as much to anyone else today as it did to me, I wouldn't want you to miss it:

1 Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it—because it does. Give yourselves to the gifts God gives you. Most of all, try to proclaim his truth.2 If you praise him in the private language of tongues, God understands you but no one else does, for you are sharing intimacies just between you and him.3 But when you proclaim his truth in everyday speech, you’re letting others in on the truth so that they can grow and be strong and experience his presence with you.

If you need more examples of God's goodness today, check out this blog: www.unclenchedfists.blogspot.com

Happy Monday!

Long Time

2009-02-10T17:10:00.002-06:00

It has been quite some time since I posted here. Here is a bit of an update on what has been going on here. The day following my last post my dear Uncle went home to be with Jesus. What a bitter sweet time this was. I miss him and God knows my Aunt misses him. But, we know he has received the ultimate healing and is walking with Jesus down the streets of gold in Heaven. We traveled to TN for the funeral and by the grace of God, we made it safely. We traveled through Southern Missouri when all the ice was there and I promise, ice covered every surface, except the lanes we were driving on, even the shoulder. It was miraculous! Praise the Lord! After the weekend, we came back to Iowa and resumed life as normal. I have been trying to work out still and even lost a pound despite my lack of discipline while in TN. I did still get two workouts in while I was there, though. I am still loving my ladies' Bible Study and learning a lot. We have had a bit of warmer weather here, it got nearly to 50 above and we are actually starting to see the ground! Jaden is still playing hockey and we are still trying to find the perfect fit for Alix. I would really like to find a new, loving home for my dear Dafne (our beagle) and Izzy (our kitty). It seems I am the only one who has time to feed and water them or let Daf out or clean out Izzy's litterbox. I, quite frankly, am tired of it! Love those animals, but they have gots to go. Brian leaves Monday for his month long school. This sucks, but I am so excited that Aunt Di gets to come and stay with us for a couple of weeks while he is gone. Yay! Hopefully we can have some warm weather during that time. Now, hmm...what am I missing? Valentine's day is coming and though I have plans in my head for something special for Brian and I, don't think it can happen, no sitter. Oh well, there will be more, right? So that is us! Hopefully I didn't miss anything.

Cardboard Testimonies

2009-01-25T13:44:00.002-06:00

A friend sent me an email with this link and I just wanted to share it. It is powerful! I cried as I watched.
http://www.rhchurch.org/pages/cardboard-testimonies/

I thought about what my piece of cardboard would say and I am still not certain. Though I think a good start would be "ENSLAVED TO BITTERNESS"
"WHERE THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS THERE IS FREEDOM"

See, from 2003-2005, I lived in a constant state of bitterness and anger towards my husband because he joined the Army Reserve in March of 2003. I felt abandoned and rejected and boy did I lash out at him and singlehandedly nearly destroyed our marriage. But then God spoke to me through I Corinthians 13, the Love Chapter. I realized that I was saying with my mouth that I loved Brian. But my actions were telling a WHOLE different story. The Word says "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Wow, was I pounded with the knowledge that I was NOT living out love. With that revelation, I was delivered of my biterness. I won't say that it wasn't a battle from that point on, but knowledge is power, so with that knowledge, I was able to make better choices with my words and my actions. Wow! I hadn't intended to share this much when I began this post, but I suppose there is a reason for everything. What I had intended on sharing was the heaviness that was on my heart for my aunt and uncle today. My uncle is dying. His body is shutting down and has been for some time now, though he has greatly worsened in the last 72 hours. Please pray for comfort and peace for them. We are not praying for healing, because we know healing is coming: the ultimate healing. Not much of an ending to this post, I know. But it is all I have at this point.

Two MORE Pounds

2009-01-21T16:22:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was weigh in day for a secondary challenge that I am participating on through http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ (I love my Sixers!). It is called the "Love Yourself Challenge". It is a six week challenge, ending on Valentine's day. Our goal is to lose 15-20% of the total weight we have left to lose by Valentine's Day. Which for me, is about 10 pounds (actually 9.4, but I am going for 10). In this challenge, we try to check in everyday with a post telling everyone something that we love about ourselves for that day. This challenge is so relevant to me and most women, I suspoect. How many of us can lay on compliments to others like laying butter on a biscuit, but when it comes to finding something we love or even like about ourselves, it is more like trying to smear whole fruit on that biscuit. I am so thankful for this group of ladies who I don't know, but share so much with. Also, I am happy to report, that I have four of those ten pounds DOWN! WooHooo!!! I can't believe I have lost four pounds. No pills, no starving myself. I have even had a little bit of fast food. I am just trying to eat smarter and healthier. I haven't even gotten into a full groove of exercising yet. Now, I am hoping to be down one more pound on Friday, which is my weigh in day for the Live Healthy Iowa Challenge. Thanks to all who are showing their support through comments, I really appreciate them! FOUR POUNDS!

FYI- if you are super interested, there is a ticker at the bottom of my blog that tells how many pounds I have left to lose. I am updating as the scale tells me too :)

Awesomeness!

2009-01-19T21:09:00.003-06:00

I am so stinkin' excited! Today at the gym, I jogged for 30 minutes straight on the treadmill. I was going at a speed of 4.5 mph. I have never done that before, especially since I broke my ankle, jogging has been really difficult for me. But today, I pushed myself and I did it! I usually have to jog at a higher speed for a couple of minutes then drop the speed to walk fast to catch my breath. But I just took it minute by minute today and made it all the way. I feel so good that I pushed myself that far. Thanks for listening.

I Lost 2 Pounds!!!!

2009-01-18T10:44:00.004-06:00

This past Friday was weigh in day and I am happy to announce that I lost two pounds! I did really well for about three days with making sure I get plenty of water, but yesterday, I was so busy at work that I didn't get it in. I did pretty bad food wise on Friday night. I went to a ladies function at a local church with a friend and wow did they have great food. However, based on my former eating habits, I did splendid. The had two choices of soup: chili or cheesy ham and potato. Now as much as I love potato soup, I knew it would be heavier in calories and fat, so I chose the chili and it was delicious. I allowed myself a sprinkle of cheese over the top and a few oyster crackers. Here in Mason City, people really like to have cinnamon rolls with their chili, they serve it that way at school, even. So, there were these fabulous cinnamon rolls on the table, but I only allowed myself half. I tried to fill my plate with the raw veggies that were on the table, of course I dipped them in a little bit of ranch. For dessert they had mini cheesecakes and as I do not eat cheesecake, they made it easy for me to say no. After the speaker, the veggies were back out, and so were the homemade sugar cookies and popcorn (and not the microwave kind either) so I had two sugar cookies (one with frosting, and they were YUMMY) and a half bag of popcorn. So, though I went over my 1403 calories for the day (I earned more calories because I exercised), I did much better than I would have two weeks ago. This may sound crazy to some, but for me, it was a success. The journey to health and weight loss is paved with small changes that make large impacts. I am happy to be laying pavement!

FREEZING!!!

2009-01-14T21:45:00.002-06:00

Just checking in. We are super cold here in North Central Iowa. It is something like -39 with the windchill right now. YUCK! Today is the start of the 100 Day Live Healthy Iowa Challenge, I logged 14 activity minutes for shoveling snow. So I suppose, I can be thankful for the snow. LOL! As far as the challenge goes, I started monitoring what I was eating on the 10th as a step towards living healthy. I am happy to say, that though I have gone over my 1200 calorie alotment every day, I am getting better. I hope to see some really great results from this. Now I just have to get my rear in gear and get on a frequent exercise routine. Meanwhile, I am trying to be more active in my day. Take the stairs more often, go the long way, park in the back of the lot. All things that are hard to do in this cold, mind you. Thanks all for your support and encouragement. I appreciate it!

Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed

2009-01-11T11:27:00.003-06:00

That is the name of the Bible Study I have started. The church we have attended a few times here is holding this Bible study for women on Thursday nights and I am planning to attend. I say planning because yesterday I committed to it and this morning I realized that Brian will be leaving in a couple of weeks and will be gone for a month so I will have to find someone to watch the kiddos in order for me to attend. I know the Lord will provide this, however. I have missed the first meeting of the group but I got the materials so I could do my "homework" before the next meeting. Wow! I have only done day one and already I am hooked. So, pray that the Lord provides a cost effective solution for me. Also, pray for me while Brian is away. I have made no secret of my struggles as a mother and this will be one GIGANTIC test of my patience. So, I need a sitter on Thursday evenings from 6:30 until probably 8:30, any takers?

Fabulous News!

2009-01-10T18:59:00.002-06:00

I am so excited! I got our team, "Highway to Health" registered for the Live Healthy Iowa challenge today! WooHoo! Also, I learned that any "accidental exercise" (as Bob, the trainer from The Biggest Loser likes to call it) such as shoveling the driveway, can be recorded in my activity minutes. AWESOME since we live in Iowa! I am so stoked! Four days until I start tracking! Don't forget to HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE!!!!

I am curious

2009-01-07T08:43:00.002-06:00

Well, I am curious about a lot of things, but today what plagues my mind the most is this:

will those same ignorant people who credit Obama with lowering the gas prices also credit him for them going back up again?

Just wondering!

Until later.......

Gearing up for the Challenge

2009-01-06T19:54:00.002-06:00

I am so excited! I found this pamphlet in Wal-Mart the other day for a 100 day challenge from livehealthyiowa.org and decided I really wanted to do it but wasn't sure who I could get to form a team as you have to have a team of at least 2 and up to 10 people. So I asked Brian about it and he thought it was a great idea. Yay! But today at work I talked to a couple of the girls and now we have a team of like 6 people. I am so excited! I am so unhappy with my weight and have been for so long. But it is so hard to lose weight and keep it off. But, more than that, I am doomed healthwise, genetically speaking, so I MUST make changes. So, I want to be healthy, not just thin, though that is a really BIG motivator! I am so excited to have this team of friends and family to encourage me and hold me accountable to my goals. So, the 100 day Challenge begins January 14th and goes until April 23rd. I share this with you so that you all can be on my team as well and hold me accountable. Thanks in advance for you support and encouragement! It will be very necessary and much appreciated!

Resolutions

2009-01-05T12:31:00.003-06:00

With twenty minutes left on my library computer timer, I will give a quick update for all. We had a wonderful Christmas and a great start to the New Year (definitely much better than the start to last year lol). It was so wonderful to be able to visit family in Tennessee. The sad part was leaving. The weather alone makes us miss it, plus all of those fabulous people there we call relatives! I wish I had pictures to post, but sadly, I do not. I am technology challenged these days as both the PC and the laptop have crashed and our digital camera is still missing. Not sure what is going on with us and tech. I have so many thoughts on the New Year and resolutions but not sure I will have time to list them all. Also, I don't have my Bible with me here and I had some verses to share. So, I will just have to give you the references. I know it is the 5th so this is a little late coming but please extend me grace as I have explained my situation already. ;) Of course I, like many others want to make that resolution to lose weight stick this year, but I have decided not to make that resolution this year because I have others that are more important. Psalm 17:3 says ".....I have RESOLVED that my mouth will not sin." this is a resolution I want to explore. I know it is not impossible to be free from sin, though it is difficult. But I want to make a conscious effort to walk in the freedom of Christ to "go and sin no more". This would be a diffucult journey for anyone, but especially for me, the chief of sinners. But as I begin to ponder these things, the Lord in his great mercy and wisdom, provides me with Proverbs 16:3 which roughly states that committing your plans to the Lord will bring success. But for those of us that are hard headed and could take that verse very much out of context, there is Isaiah 55 (forgive me, I do not remember the exact verses at the moment) which explains to us that the plans we are committing must be from the Lord as my thoughts are not his thoughts and my ways are not his ways. So this year, my resolution will be to walk away from sin. Guess what, gluttony is a sin, so perhaps I will lose some weight after all! Happy New Year everyone. Think about what 2009 can hold for growing his Kingdom!

No Internet

2009-01-02T14:42:00.002-06:00

Ok, just posting to let all know that my computer(s) died and I cannot access internet from home. Still in TN at the moment, flying back tomorrow. I have many thoughts to share, but not enough time. Don't give up on me, I will try to find a way to get back to posting.

Snow, Snow, SNOW

2008-12-20T08:46:00.003-06:00

Ok, so this is one where I am really sick that my camera is missing because there are some of you who have absolutely no frame of reference for what I witnessed yesterday! We literally had to dig ourselves out just so the car would make it out of the driveway. We shoveled, and shoveled, and shoveled. I think we got like 8-10 inches of snow overnight on Thursday. It was crazy. I say 8-10 because the report I heard said 8, but measuring, it seemed more like 10. Brian said he didn't even think the Jeep would have made it out of the driveway. It was crazy. But hey, I got in some accidental exercise with all that shoveling, though Brian did the majority of it while I was getting ready for work. The kiddos were helping as well. It was a fun family project, that I would say is going to go on ALL winter. FYI, it is not even technically winter until tomorrow. CRAZY! I think Brian got some pictures on his phone, I will check it when it is charged and post them if there are any.

He Knows MY Name

2008-12-11T22:35:00.003-06:00

We sang this song during worship at church a couple of weeks ago and it spoke to me so that I had to copy down the chorus so I wouldn't forget. I just wanted to share the lyrics because they are so precious and beautiful.

He knows my name

He knows my every thought

He sees each tear that falls,

and He hears me when I call

It is good to feel better

2008-11-29T22:09:00.006-06:00

We had a lovely Thanksgiving in the Eppers house. It was certainly not fiasco free, but it was lovely! We had a turkey that was still frozen despite our best efforts to thaw it properly. So that delayed our lunch to dinner. But, that was ok because we took the kiddos to see the movie Bolt. By the way, it was awesome! So, we get back home, rest for a bit, then begin preparing our other dishes. The bag for the turkey bursts open, spills the marvelous juices all out in the bottom of the oven (actually, this happened before we even left for the movie). No big deal, a little stinky, but the oven was on low enough, what with the frozen turkey and all, that it didn't matter. However, when you have to turn the temperature up, a fire may occur. Did I say may? Let me change that to definitely. Yes, we had fire in the oven while we were making the cornbread for the dressing (some of you may know that as stuffing). Thankfully, I am a good southern girl and I make my cornbread in a cast iron skillet, so the fire couldn't really get past it. Anyway, my fabulous husband put the fire out by throwing water on it, which I thought would not work b/c I thought it was a grease fire and water isn't supposed to work on those, right? I thought it was salt or baking soda. Anyway, finally, around 5 or 5:30, we were able to enjoy turkey, dressing, sweet potatos, green beans, corn, gravy, rolls, pumpkin bread, it was delicious, what I could stand to eat. I wasn't feeling too great so I couldn't even finish my plate. Later that night, I was thankful I didn't because I had such a stomach ache I couldn't sleep. Finally, at like 2:45 am I got up to head to the restroom and ended up puking my guts out. Then I was awake still with terribly tummy ache until around 7 when I finally got to sleep. Brian took the kiddos out shopping and ice skating that morning so the house was quiet and I could rest. God love him! What a blessing he is! Anyway, it is so good to feel better now. I will post some pics from Brian's phone. I hope everyone had a great day of Thanksgiving!

Thankful Daddy and kiddos

Ahhh...we are so thankful to have made it
through the cooking process without getting
burned.....seriously

Again, could I please have a photo where I am
not making a weird face?

Eat that turkey leg Jman!

Alix digging in

My little monkeys

The kiddos were proud of having helped set

the table

Jaden is ready to dig in!

YUMMY!

this was just after the fire, not sure what I am doing

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T15:01:00.002-06:00

It has been a while since my last post. I have been busy as well as lazy. Last weekend was really great. Brian and I had dinner with a couple we have recently met. They happen to be the parents of Jaden's new best friend, Jahmen. The youth at their church were hosting a free parent's night out, yes, I said FREE!!! WoooHooo! So, Angie and Eric had invited us to dinner. Also, they wanted to, in their words, honor Brian for his service to our country by paying for dinner. What a blessing! We had a lovely dinner and enjoyed conversation and fireside s'mores at our table. If you have never tried this, you definitely should. After dinner we still had a bit of time so they came back to our house and we talked for a bit more and listened to music. It was a lovely evening and the kids, apparently, behaved well. On Saturday, Brian had to work so we didn't do much, just go to hockey practice. On Sunday, the Lord once again spoke to my heart through the sermon Pastor Scott was preaching at Grace Evangelical Free Church (Grace E Free for short). Of course, the kiddos weren't as well behaved this go round, but they did ok. Sunday night brought chaos and fighting as Alix decided she didn't want to participate in Figure Skating that night. Monday, I was exhausted and beaten up from the chaos and fighting, and still battling the ferrocious headache that hit me Sunday morning so not much got accomplished. On Tuesday I was able to go to work, a place I can feel good about myself because there, I don't feel inept, at least not completely as I do as a parent. Yesterday afternoon, however, the kids and I went to the library. We were there for two hours. It was great that they were behaving well enough to stay that long. I found a book entitled ScreamFree Parenting and so far, it is so relevant to where I am. I am enjoying it. Today I am off because I told work that with the kids being out of school, it would cost me money to work that day, and that is just not good business. So I have been trying to tidy and get ready for the big meal prep, I haven't made an extreme amount of progress as I did have some work to do from home this morning and then there was a battle with Alix that to say it didn't end well would not do justice. But I am not giving up. I did catch myself praying for guidance during the middle of the battle today. That was encouraging. Anyway, just catching you up, perhaps more than you needed to know. Happy Thanksgiving to all. And to my extended family, I will truly miss being with you tomorrow and I love you!

Hmmm...

2008-11-19T16:59:00.002-06:00

Not much to say today! Just, tired and cold. Not sure I am quite ready for winter, but it comes regardless. Oh, and I did something dumb today, I forgot to buckle my seatbelt and got pulled over by a cop and got a ticket for it. Plus, he gave me a warning for having the expired TN tags on my car. See, Brian and I have been in this battle, he was supposed to put on the new tags forever ago, but he didn't and Idon't want to 'loose' the battle, right ladies? So, though I am quite capable of doing it, I have not. I suppose I will have to get that taken care of, huh? So now, I have $88 in stupid tax for forgetting to buckle my seatbelt. Hmmm...you live, you learn. Or, when it rains, it pours (though in my case, it feels more like a hurricane).

Calling All Believers

2008-11-16T11:10:00.005-06:00

So finally we made it to church this morning. We tried last week but of course, I slept too late, as usual. I am not sure what is wrong with me, but getting up in the mornings is severely difficult for me, and has been over the past few months. But today, we visited a new church, one that I have been wanting to visit but just never made it. I enjoyed it. The kids didn't want to go to children's church so they sat in with me, and did stellar, I might add. There was even a couple that greeted us, who found us afterwards to see how we liked it, who commented on how well-behaved my children were. Now that is the kind of thing that a parent in turmoil NEEDS desperately. I am still struggling to find my home church here. It is difficult when you compare it to the church you were calling home before. I have visited four churches here in Mason since we have been here. Each has things I like, but I am not certain that one holds a home for me yet. But, I do plan to attend the one we visited today next week, because I don't feel I can make a decision yet. And, God did speak to me through the Pastor this morning. He preached about prayer. He used Exodus 32 where Aaron fashions the golden calf and Moses seeks and gains the favor of the LORD for the Israelites because God was ready to wipe them out. But Moses stood in the gap for the Israelites and begged for mercy for them. It reminded me that we must 'pray without ceasing'. It reminded me that we do have to stand in the gap for others, for our Nation, for our leaders. Right now, I have stand in the gap for my family because we are falling apart. Maybe not where it is evident to others, but we are. I am not pleased with the job I have done as a parent. If my children base their knowledge of God as a father on me as a parent, then they will have an extremely SKEWED view. It has come to my attention that in our house, we do not practice grace. I have not extended it to my children, now, they do not extend it to each other or anyone else. Grace is difficult to explain anyway, much less to children. However, if you haven't practiced grace, they really have NO concept of it. God's grace is one thing in life I know I could not live without, I am so thankful for it. But I have lessened what it means in my life by not sharing that with my children. What happened to me? Why is this such a struggle for me? Why am I always so ANGRY? My children are blessings. The Bible tells me they are a heritage from God. I am asking all believers out there to stand in the gap for me on this. My children are my first mission field and I am really messing it up. I need to wake up every morning remember they are a blessing not a curse. I know I am being very open here, but I really need help. Right now in my life, parenting is an everyday struggle. The kind of thing that makes me not want to get up in the morning. I am always at the brink of tears because I feel so lost in this task. I have pretty much checked out of life altogether. Honestly, I am not functioning well as a human. I can go to work and I function pretty well there. But at home, I am lost. Even as I am typing this, the children are arguing and bickering and I feel my only tool is to yell. What kind of message does that send to my children? I know this post is long and the thought process is hard to follow, but I have to type as it comes or I loose it. I suppose that is all for the moment. But please, brothers and sisters in the Lord, lift me up. I am finally at a point where I feel I can change. I still feel defeated, but I am standing up, struck down but not destroyed. I know I must let HIS joy be my strength.

Wow! It has been over a year here

2008-11-12T16:12:00.003-06:00

It has been a while since my last post, sorry. I am sure no one is hanging by any threads of anything I have to say. I feel I have lots to say but not sure what I want to share with the entire world and what I don't. I will start with some random thoughts. Today, on the way to pick up the kiddos from school I was thinking about the past year. Yes, we have officially (by the way, in Iowa, officially is pronounced with a long o) been in Iowa for over a year now. But, I was thinking about the craziness of that year. Some of you know what I am talking about, it is like we brought a plague with us or something. Hmmm...first there was the girl who rear ended my van in November when my in-laws were visiting. Our furnace kept randomly going out and we would be without heat, us poor little Tennesseeans here in Iowa. Then winter came nasty and early and lasted forever. We got ice on the FIRST weekend in December, and that same 4 inch thick sheet of ice (plus ALOT more snow) was still on my driveway in March. People said it was the worst winter here in something like 12 years (sometimes they joking blame us for bringing it when we moved). Let's see, I fell on the ice while ice skating with the family on New Year's day. I got to have my first broken bone (right ankle), my first surgery (eight screws and a metal plate), my first non-baby related hospital stay, all in one shot. Ooh, and I got to use a walker and have pretty purple cast, and go to physical therapy. Also, I had started a paper route to try to help out with the financial strain of not selling our TN house, yeah, that lasted two weeks until I broke my ankle. Hmm...then my wonderful mother-in-law came and took care of me for about a week or a little more. Then my wonderful mother came for, gosh, was it three weeks. During this time, my poor mother had a small accident with my van, the day after my new insurance started on my vehicle (she can't laugh about it yet, but really, I CAN). Then it was time for her to go home and my mother-in-law came back for nearly a month. On Feb. 5, I started my job at Harley-Davidson of Mason City. Then on Feb. 9, my poor mother-in-law (Linda) caught a patch of ice while driving my van to Minneapolis to pick up my brother-in-law from the airport. After a devastating experience for her, the van was totalled. (All involved were fine, but we are getting to that part). So our insurance covered most of the amount due on the van, just left a couple thousand dollars unpaid, it could have been much worse. So then, when Linda and Kevin were finally able to make it home (though I really wanted them to stay much longer), it was nearly March. Yeah, they don't like Iowa weather so much. Then later in March, coming home from parent-teacher conference, a guy rear-ended my car as I was trying to turn into my driveway (road was pretty slick). It did no damage because it was barely a tap, but I remember thinking, should I just walk EVERYWHERE I go? Also, the guy didn't stop to check on me or anything. Then about a month ago, we learned that after a year of trying to sell our house, and struggle to keep both houses afloat, we are losing the TN house in Foreclosure. Then the Harley had to go, which hurt Brian more than it hurt me, but it hurt me for HIM. So, it has been quite a year. But, this afternoon when I began thinking about it, I began to think of what the good was instead of the bad. For instance, in all of the car accidents, NO ONE was hurt. And my kids were in one of those. So for that, I am THANKFUL! Also, I have wonderful family that took such great care of me and my family when I was unable to do so. For that, I am beyond THANKFUL!! And yes, we are losing our property in TN, but once it is gone, we will have a relief from that mortgage, that electric bill, and that water bill. That will be nice. It has been a vicious year in some ways and I won't even dare say that I handled it all with grace, because I know I didn't. However, I found opportunities to grow and become better, even if it was in hindsight. At the moment, life is hard. It is difficult to face financial ruin and be a good person through it. But, I am trying not to lean on my own understanding and know that 'my ways are not His ways'. Please know, I am not writing this as a way for people to feel sorry for me. Rather, I want to remember that there is always something to be thankful for, even when it seems there isn't.

A Historic Moment, Indeed

2008-11-05T20:38:00.003-06:00

Wow! I can barely describe how I feel at this moment in time. My emotions from the past months, and especially yesterday, have exhausted me. Yesterday, Election Day, brought a deep pang inside me that I cannot put words to. The whole political system pretty much disgusts me, anyway. But the outcome of last night put me over the edge. I cannot believe that my America felt it best to put Barak Obama in office. Don't get me wrong, I think our great nation has made great strides in that a black man was elected as President. However, did it have to be a President who seems to wish for socialist policies and doctrines, who is a proponent of taking the lives of the innocent unborn, who supports the demise of marriage as God designed it, and who will likely stick it to military families by cutting the pay they receive, which is already miniscule? I believe the thing that bothers me most about the situation is that there are born again Christians who voted for this man. This man of Muslim descent. At what point did we as Christians decide that these moral issues were neither here nor there when exercising our right to vote in this 'land of the free'? Of course now, the damage is done. Now we have to exercise our freedom of boldly approaching the throne of grace. We must respect this leader of our great nation and we must hit our knees for him, for his decision-making, DAILY. I am so guilty of not being faithful in this area. In fact, the Lord is doing a work in me. I am realizing how unfaithful I am in a lot of areas. I was talking with a girl at work today and telling her that I feel I have become what I despise; someone who wears her spirituality on her sleeve and pulls it out when it is convenient. I am not saying that I have ever denied God. I am saying that I have not faithfully tended the mission field that God has placed me in. That is hard for me to just lay out there. But last night was an eye opener. I cannot afford to sit back: no one can. God is Sovereign. But we must do our part, not because God cannot function without us. But because God has commanded us to humble ourselves and pray. Because he has CHOSEN us to be warriors in His army. Now, let us fight as true prayer warriors fight, never give up. Blessings.

Exploring Me

2008-11-03T12:56:00.000-06:00

I love when I get to go shopping all by myself. Today, I got my rear in gear and got my grocery shopping done first thing this morning. This means I didn't have to spend an hour of my shopping time grabbing arms saying, "stop that", "behave yourself", "what are you thinking?", "use your inside voice", etc. I was even able to stop into Hobby Lobby, which has become a favorite store of mine, despite the fact that I really do not know the first thing about how to use 90% of the items in that store. However, this store holds some enchanted power over me. I peruse the aisles imagining I am as crafty as (insert crafty person's name here) and I can certainly paint a beautiful portrait on that blank canvas, or I could definitely use these pieces to decorate my space and make it look fabulous. However, at some point I have to wake up and have some realizations. Number one: I do not know the first thing about painting, though I would really LOVE to try it. Number two: I am very limited in funds right now, and ALWAYS! But, I really want to try painting on those blank canvases. I just need the space, the money, and the will to clean up the mess. My friend Rae always tells me that painting, for her, is very therapeutic and I should definitely try it. I have seen her paintings and I know why they are therapeutic for her, she is MAJORLY talented! But perhaps I am as well and I simply do not know it for I have never chanced it. So one day, when I have a penny to my name, someone encourage me to try it. Remember this post as I will surely find a way to talk myself out of trying it, not sure why, I suppose fear of it turning out badly, then thinking of the money I have wasted. For now, I will secretly be an artist in my heart and mind.

Halloween Pics

2008-10-31T21:43:00.000-05:00

Posing with Ms. Brenda, our neighbor. They are all pretty fond of each other.

Caught in the act!

My Little Trick-or-Treaters

Jaden's bat was under the tire so Brian let him crank it so they could back it up.

I took this fabulous pic of Alix (awful of me, but I posted it anyway, I expect some kudos for that).

Ms. Montanna takes time to pose for me.

Brian was with us, the whole time, I just didn't happen to get any pics of him. Sorry.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T21:20:00.000-05:00

How many of us as parents have had the battle within ourselves about Halloween? Some of you may not know what I am talking about because for you, as a child, Halloween was always a big night to get to go trick-or-treating, no questions asked. However, there are some, like me, who had parents that, out of love and a deep desire for our spiritual well-being, battled this holiday every year. I have had my own battles with Halloween since becoming a parent. I am well aware that there is a long history of "evil" associated with this night. I am also aware that there is a long history of "evil" associated with Easter and Christmas. However, that is not the spirit in which I celebrate Easter or Christmas, nor is it the spirit in which I celebrate Halloween. So, yes, we do the get dressed up in cool costumes, go for a walk in the neighborhood (in what was FABULOUS weather tonight), trick-or-treating thing. My kids know they cannot choose costumes that are scary. I have to say, I no longer have a battle with it. I so enjoy taking the kids. We had so much fun tonight. Plus, we got lots of exercise. I think we walked approximately four miles, round trip. Our kids are troopers. It was great! The weather was awesome, we didn't even need jackets, just a couple of thin layers. This was a fact that thrilled the kids since it meant Hannah Montanna and The Flash would not have to conceal their identities. It was a near perfect night. I will post some pics of the costumes, the trick-or-treating, the loot and the crash after. Won't be long. So, Happy Halloween! I hope you all had as good a time as I did.

It's Too Early!

2008-10-26T20:33:00.000-05:00

So much for not sticking. It isn't much, but I wonder what it will look like in the morning. These pics aren't great because I waited until it was almost dark before I thought about snapping them. It has pretty much snowed all day except for that one bit where it was really sunny for about an hour or two. Happy Halloween, Iowa!

Pictures and Snow

2008-10-26T14:51:00.001-05:00

Dafne and Izzy wanted Jaden to feel better.

Just posting some pictures and trying for a video. Not much to say at the moment except we are so thankful that Brian made it home safely. Oh and also, it snowed today. It snowed really hard and thick for about 30 minutes or so and then it stopped and the sun came out. Weird. Anyway, enjoy the pics.

P.S. As I wrote this, it began snowing again, but I think it has stopped now. What the heck? It isn't even November yet. At least it isn't sticking.

Check out how awesome my kiddos are on the balance beam.

What a Great Day!

2008-10-25T17:32:00.000-05:00

What a great day we had today! First we took J-man to his hockey practice, which again, is super fun to watch. Then Jaden had a play date with one of his new BFFs (he would kill me if he knew I called it that), Jahmen. This gave Alix and I the opportunity to have a girl's day which was so much fun. She was able to spend her birthday money and get some new earrings and other fun girlie stuff. Then, I splurged, I know we are in a tough financial spot right now, but I felt that Alix and I needed this so we had pedicures. It was her first "spa" pedicure and she loved it! Of course, so did I. I did take the camera, however, Alix and I were too relaxed to be able to take pictures. So, sorry you guys miss out. Just know we had a BLAST!!! She kept saying, "oh, this is such a good day Mommy!", "thank you for letting us have a girl's day, Mommy!" It was great! Now, we are going to have some dinner and then head to the YMCA for their Halloween party. Should be lots of fun.

Better

2008-10-24T09:08:00.000-05:00

Well Jaden is feeling much better this morning. Feels like he still has a slight temp, but he woke up with quite an appetite. We are resting now as I went to bed really late worrying about him. But, I think we are going to have a better day.

Oh Man!

2008-10-23T23:31:00.000-05:00

My poor little man Jaden is a sick little boy. When I picked him up from the Y Daycamp today he wasn't feeling well which turned into a full blown, 103 degree fever by 7:30pm. He has pretty much slept since then, but this definitely interfered with our plans to do the Halloween Hike at the Nature Center. It was so sad, b/c we thought we were going to be able to make it so Alix went ahead and got into her costume, even with triple layers creatively hidden so that she wouldn't have to wear a jacket over her costume. She looked so adorable. I just broke down into tears and told her we weren't going to be able to go. Oh she handled it so gracefully. She just sat there, let two lonely tears fall down her cheeks then hugged me. I was so very proud of her. I really hate that she had to miss it. Ugh, the joys of "single parenting" during the weeks it is the Army's turn to have my husband; who, by the way, is completely exhausted as his accomodations this week leave much to be desired. Well, he will be home on Sunday, we are all very excited!

Overwhelmed

2008-10-22T19:48:00.000-05:00

So much going on, not sure how much to share. Let me just say that I am having a rough time at the moment. Life is full of ugliness and troubles and sometimes I just want to crawl under the covers and not come out yet, or again. Please don't call me worrying that I am suicidal, that is not what I mean. What I mean is I am really stinking tired of responsibility. I know you aren't supposed to say things like that, but come on, surely all adults feel that at some point. If you say you don't, I think you are lying. I think I am nearing my breaking point. Something has got to give. SIGH.......ok, thanks for letting me vent. On another note, I took Jaden to hockey practice tonight. It is so much fun to watch him out there on the ice. Very cool! Also, I turned in Brian and my voter registrations today. I know, I know, we have lived here a year now, it should have already been done. Oh well, the past is the past. So now I can vote in the upcoming election. Not that I feel there is a good choice to really vote for. But I am excited to exercise my citizen priviledge/right to vote. Shifting gears, I have no new pictures to add today. I will likely have some to post after the weekend.

Lovin' the New Schedule

2008-10-21T18:38:00.000-05:00

So this is only the first day of my new schedule, but I have to say, I am loving it! It was so nice not to have to rush through my lunch break to get the kids from school to daycare and back to work for me. I loved it! On another note, I heard some disturbing news this morning. On the weather they said that we could receive a wintery mix tonight. Which means it could be icy or snowy when I wake up in the morning. What the heck? It is only October. Also, some are predicting a much harder winter this year than last. The really bad part of that is that everyone here said that last winter was the worst winter North Central Iowa had seen in 7-12 years. I have to level with you, I wasn't sure it could get much worse or much bitter than last year. Hmm...I am definitely not looking forward to that. Anyone looking for a position as a full-time driveway shoveler with no pay?

Whoa!

2008-10-20T22:03:00.000-05:00

Today was Alix's 8th birthday! I almost cannot believe it. How is it that as parents, we sometimes find ourselves saying, "AHHHH....will this phase ever end? When will they outgrow this?" only to turn around and find that your little baby isn't so little anymore? I can't believe how quickly the years go by. Sure, there are times when it feels like you are standing still. But when you look at the whole picture, you see that the time we have with our children is very short. My dear Alix, who can either bring out the worst or the best in me, for her birthday dinner chose to make one of her "recipes" for us. So she made us mini pizzas on english muffins. And, they were delicious. I love that little girl! I pray that my trying to find my way as a parent hasn't completely screwed my children up for life. Here are some pics from today. Some with my kiddos and the neighbor girls playing in our leaf pile. And one of the mini pizzas, pre-baking.

A Near Perfect Day

2008-10-19T22:59:00.000-05:00

Today was one of those ALMOST perfect days. It was great! Brian was off because he is leaving around 2am for his Army AT for one week. That part is sad, but the fact that we had today off together just before he left was great! We got a lot accomplished as a family today, both in chores and in quality time. We all got to sleep in, at least sleeping in for us. We did dishes, raked leaves, cleaned up rooms, carved pumpkins, and baked cupcakes for Alix's class tomorrow for her birthday. Also, Brian took the kids ice skating and let me have some me time. Then I headed up to the Arena to watch Alix in her figure skating lesson. (Of course we all I know I did not get on the ice. Me, ice, and ice skates, I have learned, is DEFINITELY not a good combination). The kids had a blast. They love to ice skate. So does Brian. I am going to try to post some pics and videos from today. We will see how that goes. Oh, also, last night we made Jaden a hockey jersey. We just got some iron on patches from Hobby Lobby and it turned out pretty great. Ahhh...I love when there are good days like these. Thank you Lord!

p.s. I wanted to put clever comments in by the pics, but that isn't working for me. But you should know that the pic with Brian and Jaden both in helmets is where they are making their mean faces. Also, sorry they are not in order. It is getting late and I don't have the patience to mess with it anymore.

Praying for A Difference

2008-10-18T21:49:00.000-05:00

About a month ago, I told my boss that I desperately needed to change to a part-time status and no longer work on Saturdays. Surprisingly, he approved with no hesitation saying just give them time to do what they needed to do as far as hiring another full-timer first. I didn't think it would ever happen. But today, he gave me the go ahead to begin my new schedule. I am so excited! I need this badly. I am praying that having the extra time at home will help me not to feel so overwhelmed and stretched so thin. I hope it will help me to remember that my children are a blessing from the Lord rather than something to be tolerated. I yearn for more joy in this stage of my life because right now it feels more like a burden or a curse. I know that is wrong, but it is honest. I know this is a step in the right direction, even though it does leave me wondering how we will survive as it is tight with me working full-time now. But, I know that God is faithful. Also, I know that the time we have together as a family is needed, even at the cost of less income. I cannot wait for next Saturday when I get to be off from work!

Wow!

2008-10-14T22:23:00.000-05:00

I experienced something very different today. My 7 year old couldn't get enough of doing the dishes. WOW! That is like one of the craziest things that has ever happened to me. I know it sounds simple enough, but anyone that has a seven year old, or has met mine, knows that is CRAZY!!! Anyway, it is cooling down here now. Fall is beginning to give way into Winter and it is a bit sad. I love the Fall, it is just so beautiful. But Winter, Winter makes me sad. Oh well, you must have Winter to appreciate Spring, right?

My First Blog

2008-10-13T10:21:00.000-05:00

We have now fully joined the media age. We have a blog. I make no promises such as "Dear Diary, I promise to write in you everyday" because I know that I am just not that dedicated to anything. What I do promise is to log on as often as I remember and keep you posted on the happenings of our lives here in Mason City, Iowa. Also, I promise to be blatantly honest, even when I fear judgement because I do not want to be fake. Also because I know the love of God covers a multitude of sins and words of support and encouragement from Brothers and Sisters in the Lord are more "spot on" when the whole story is told. Ok, so maybe this is a bit heavy for a Monday morning. But Mondays are my days to think because I don't have to go to work. I love Mondays! Here's to blogging!